Os 9 dogmas

" Dogma Nº 1 - Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages (...).

Dogma Nº 2 - Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. (...)

Dogma Nº 3 - Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. (...) Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

Dogma Nº 4 - Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers (...) Google can theoretically last forever.

Dogma Nº 5 - Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.

Dogma Nº 6 - Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".

Dogma Nº 7 - Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.

Dogma Nº 8 - According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined. God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods" (...)

Dogma Nº9 - Evidence of Google's existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required."

Todos estes dogmas são exemplo da ironia e do sarcasmo que suportam esta religião. Como que nascendo das insuficiências das religiões comuns, aproveita-as mesmo para conseguir provar a divindade do motor de pesquisa. É antes de mais, um ataque declarado à falta de conhecimento que sempre potenciou a propagação das religiões humanas. Vão ainda mais longe, respondendo aos ataques (o chamado hate-mail) e aos argumentos que lhes são enviados, como por exemplo:

"This is blasphemy! How dare you mock religion like this? The Church of Google believes we should be tolerant of everyone's beliefs, provided said beliefs hurt no one. The statement above is not one of tolerance. In fact, the statement above shows two of the deadly sins: Anger and Hubris, as well as breaking some of the cardinal rule of Christianity as taught by Jesus: Love Thy Neighbor, and Turn The Other Cheek. Strange then that we, a "parody" religion, follow the philosophy of one of the most popular religions more closely than many of its followers."

Somente nesta resposta podem ser encontradas várias provas da profunda natureza anti-religiosa deste movimento, o Googlismo pode ser definido com um provérbio - Se não os podes vencer, junta-te a eles.

Diogo Mendes-Pinto